If you gaze at the wall in Billy Beane's office, you'll see the list he looks at daily to remind himself of the important credos that govern his actions:
1. Never let 'em see you sweat
2. Good pitching beats good hitting
3. You can never have too many bad players named Patterson
Look for that list when they pan the room in "Moneyball: The Movie."
When I saw that the A's had acquired Scott Patterson from the Padres, in exchange for cash considerations, my first thought was, "Isn't he in jail?" But apparently I had him mixed up with someone, and this is a 30 year old who pitches baseballs. Given the high correlation between "people named Patterson" and "outs," this could be exciting. We're back in this thing, baby!
What are "cash considerations" anyway? Is that like, "Maybe we'll send you money"? Frankly, if I'm the Padres I want more of a commitment than that but hey -- maybe Scott Patterson isn't worth actual money, just the idea of money. Anyway, here's what I know about Scott Patterson:
* He must be very, very small because all the teams overlooked him in the draft. Every single one. Actually, he's 6'6" so perhaps teams were just so certain he'd go into the NBA draft that they were scared away.
* He throws right-handed. Not especially accurately, mind you, if his 6 BBs in 4.2 career big league innings are any indication. But right-handers are awesome, so much so that if a lefty isn't available a righty is going to be my second choice every time.
* He will save this franchise. Guaranteed. I just have a feeling about this, kind of like when pet rocks were all the rage and I thought "this is one fad that will last."
Let the Scott Patterson era begin!!!!!!
0 recs | 115 comments
I've heard of him
Why? Because I’ve seen him pitch. ;-)
If you think these look awkward, wait until you see him in action:
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/porsac62-041509.jpg
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/porsac63-041509.jpg
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/porsac64-041509.jpg
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/ilpcl048-071509.jpg
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/ilpcl112-071509.jpg
http://lastoftheninth.com/coppermine/albums/userpics/10001/ilpcl114-071509.jpg
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
Blue unis=gross
They look like pajamas!
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
Yeah, I don't know why they did that
I read it was the first time they wore the blue pants with the blue tops. I hope it was the last, as much as I occasionally like to see throwback styles.
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
White cleats might actually help. (with the blue pants)
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
Would've fit with the caps, at least
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
Have you clicked on the link where I first mention Scott Patterson
It’s a … hoot.
Nico - August 20, 2009
er...
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
I remember that.
I didn’t realize he was one of them!
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
I've seen that before, too
He actually had a picture or two on his website: http://www.scottpattersonpitching.com/
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
I don't know what to say about that.
1. He thinks he needs his own website?
2. The offseason report??
3. The pics that he seem proud of???
Oh deer…yes deer. Not dear.
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
It's rather sweet, the website
It has an animated map of his journeys from team to team — that shows San Diego as being roughly where Oakland is. So perhaps it’s destiny.Englishmajor - August 20, 2009
Wow that's such a map.
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
Lol!
Pam will do a face palm.
lynnzgal - August 20, 2009
That website is, um, weird
Does anyone really want Scott Patterson wallpaper? A 30 year old scrub has fans?
And the video has a deer stuck in the upper right hand corner. Combined with the map that doesn’t know where San Diego is – on a site plastered with “San Diego Padres” it’s almost some sick kind of satire.
coffee roaster - August 20, 2009
He's 30, nobody bothered to draft him,
and in his spare time he likes to kill innocent animals. I think I’ll hold off on the fan club.
Nico - August 20, 2009
I think this proves that eveyone has a website at this point.
I want to welcome you to visit my site sirbed.com where you can buy a bed fit for a king at a paupers price.
sirbed - August 20, 2009
Did you get my "tweet,"
announcing that I have just added milk and eggs to the grocery list?
Nico - August 20, 2009
I've been waiting for your shopping list news
with breathless excitement. Oh and you forgot bread.
sirbed - August 20, 2009
There. I made room in my cart
by putting all my eggs in one basket.
Nico - August 20, 2009
Sour batard, if you're wondering.
Or as I like to call it, Sour bastard.
Nico - August 20, 2009
Semifreddi's.
Best. Sourdough. Ever.
lynnzgal - August 20, 2009
One of the things I miss most
from Northern California is good sourdough bread. Some parts of the country don’t even have it and the ones that do have a bland version that just makes you miss the real stuff even more.
sirbed - August 20, 2009
there's one place in Florida that can master it--Publix, of all places.
The only place I ever found in Chicago that could was Costco and I’m sure they imported it .
Leopold Bloom - August 20, 2009
This. I miss sour batard, and Semifreddi's, and even Acme.
Central Illinois sucks.
speckops - August 20, 2009
Acme's bread is the sex.
lynnzgal - August 20, 2009
Their seeded baguette is omfg good.
speckops - August 20, 2009
Cheese Board baguettes
also, cheese rolls and scones.
The scones are actually pretty easy to make at home.
Nick - August 21, 2009
I have part of a Cheese Board baguette
for breakfast every morning. There is no baguette like it.
Nico - August 21, 2009
This pretty much sums it up.
ZigFan31 - August 21, 2009
Wow...I didn't have the pleasure of seeing the map my first time around.
Thanks for making me go back a second time. Scary thing is, I’ll be going back again to see his updates about Oakland. I’m dying to see where it is on the map.
ZigFan31 - August 21, 2009
Note to ANers: Put on sunglasses before clicking
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
Pajamas rule.
Rated-R Superstar - August 20, 2009
I wish this was a game thread.
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
Don't we all.
VV A's fan - August 20, 2009
Game over.
Nico - August 20, 2009
GAME UNDER
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
I'm still thinking of doing one on the side for the "classic" game they're showing tonight
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
awesome idea
what game is it?
gigglingone - August 20, 2009
It was an A's/Red Sox game from 1996
Willie Adams pitched their third shutout in a row, I think they said, and it was apparently also some kid’s first game, named Nomar Garciaparra.
http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/1996/B08310OAK1996.htm
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
hey! i was at that game
I think he hit like 2 HRs that night. All I remember is that his name didn’t fit on the scoreboard and they abbreviated it “Gar’Parra”
cuppingmaster - August 20, 2009
I strongly disagree I love the beavers all blue unis
designatedforassignment - August 20, 2009 via mobile
I haven't seen someone look like that in mid-delivery since
the 59 year-old knuckleballer on our pitching staff in Hawaii (yes, I am that dtown, the one who lead the 2003 Oahu Ravens in hits and runs scored, in case y’all were too afraid to ask).
dtownmbrown - August 20, 2009
awesome post Nico!!!
I love the pessemism and sarcasm that goes into these posts!!!
VV A's fan - August 20, 2009
the Rotoworld sidebar says it all
stormtown - August 20, 2009
Yeah, I just saw this
And I laughed.
gigglingone - August 20, 2009
Is this the Scott Patterson that was on the Gilmore Girls?
VV A's fan - August 20, 2009
It might be:
LoneStranger - August 20, 2009
whats with the batting glove luke?
Future Ed - August 20, 2009
Forst said the A's are is going to cut innings for the rookies soon (a few more starts) on the A's radio wrap up Wens night.
He said the A’s will probably do some stacking ei pitching two guys 4+ innings in the same game, he said they were going to take a look at some guys in the minors and he said they were looking for a few guys to eat some some innings. I think Scott is going to be an innings eater in Sept. I like the move. I like getting AAAA players from San Deigo
OmahaHi - August 21, 2009
Yay! Creepy old guy isn't at the top of the page anymore!
And…Great title to this piece Nico!
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
Creepy old guy is Bob Feller!
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
haha...oops. But he's still creppy!
Or maybe its just the angle of the pic.
ZigFan31 - August 20, 2009
He has to muscle up a bit more to throw the fastball at age 90
Nico - August 20, 2009
Bob Feller is alive?!?
GreenNGoldSooner - August 20, 2009
He can't die as long as there are some contemporary players left to complain about
Nick - August 21, 2009
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
Check out those kicks!
Rated-R Superstar - August 20, 2009
oh Scott, I liked you better as a blond
stormtown - August 20, 2009
That was taken shortly after Scott Patterson displayed criminally bad fastball command.
Nico - August 20, 2009
nico you are o wrong all the time
scott peterson is in PRISON, not jail.
Future Ed - August 20, 2009
Federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison?
linky
LoneStranger - August 20, 2009
MikeV's "cash considerations" primer:
The setting: Wherever it is that baseball’s 2009 Winter Meetings are going to be held. Vegas, perhaps? We’re going with Vegas.
The scene: Padres GM Josh Towers and A’s GM Billy Beane are finishing up a high end steak dinner along with a few cocktails.
Billy Beane: So, Kev, tough go of it this year. What are you doing with Gallagher now, anyway?
Kevin Towers: He’s our #3 starter. Towers winces.
BB: Ouch. Well, Hairston didn’t do much for us either. Guess we’re even.
The waiter arrives with the bill, which is in excess of $250 for a couple filet dinners and drinks.
BB: (To the Waiter) Oh, excuse me, sir, you wouldn’t mind just splitting that 50/50 would you?
KT: Wait, what? Billy? Hello, Scott Patterson?
Beane looks at Towers.. then looks back down at the bill… then looks back at Towers again.
BB: Shit.
Beane, with a pained look on his face, slides his credit card toward the waiter. Kevin Towers leans back, a triumphant grin on his face, knowing that he just got one over on “Mister Moneyball” Billy Beane.
That’s pretty much how it’s going to go down, I think.
mikev - August 20, 2009
This should be casted and produced..
good stuff :)
dtownmbrown - August 20, 2009
So perfect.
Orodawg - August 20, 2009
But would Billy really call the waiter "Sir"?
That part doesn’t quite ring true to me.
The rest is great though.
iglew - August 20, 2009
last script featuring Beane I read he ended up sleeping with the wait staff
calling a waiter Sir is nuthin.
stormtown - August 20, 2009
Poor busboy.
:-(
Nico - August 20, 2009
Funniest thing I’ve seen all week.
chri5 - August 20, 2009 via mobile
Hahahahahahaha
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
This really was a pleasure to read
walk off bunt - August 20, 2009
It does make me wonder if they didn't bring Patterson in...
…to show Tyson Ross that you can always look more awkward pitching than you think.
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
Can we nickname him "Lacy"?
What? Too soon?
GreenNGoldSooner - August 20, 2009
I laughed out loud
(Of course if I had said it, I’d have been skewered by the usual suspects.) Can I hire you to say inappropriate things for me?
Nico - August 20, 2009
Brought a chuckle to my face.
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
If this is part of the
“k guys, season is dead so let’s start shutting down the rooks and getting some cheap vets to play the formalities” plan, then I’m all for it.
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
Oh wait a minute he's a reliever.
Well now I’m not sure!
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
I foresee
a Ziegleresque delivery re-evaluation in his near future
retroblast - August 20, 2009
So he can start, with Marshall coming in to set up, and then Ziggy to close?
Nico - August 20, 2009
Australian pitching
ElQuesoCapitan - August 20, 2009
Don Aussie?
Nico - August 20, 2009
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
I had the pleasure of attending a double-header
in which Don Aase blew saves in both games. Good times.
Nico - August 20, 2009
I'll take attending a double-header where Rickey led off both games with a homer
(Which I can say I was at)
Flashfire - August 20, 2009
How about a double-header in which the A's forgot to score?
Nick and I have that one covered.
Nico - August 20, 2009
How about one where the other team forgot?
A 1, and a 2.
67MARQUEZ - August 20, 2009
Nice when you can throw Catfish and Vida.
Nico - August 20, 2009
Rickey is so awesome
he could hit a leadoff grand slam.
iglew - August 21, 2009
I had the please of attending a double-header last Sunday
I saw Carlos Gonzalez jack 2 very deep homers to right, a Huston Street save, a 2 inning outing by Dan Meyer, and 1 inning by Kiko Calero – But the highlight of the day was when the American League scoreboard for the A’s game changed from 2-2 to 3-2 in the 9th.
Cust Rockwell - August 21, 2009
Yeah liked seeing that as well.
BleedGreen - August 21, 2009
what sets SoPete above those guys is
you can’t teach 6’ 6"
retroblast - August 20, 2009
I think I meant ScoPat- but, uh
I’ve recently returned from happy hour
retroblast - August 20, 2009
I don't get it.
ak_A - August 20, 2009
My guess
One of the A’s scouts was busy trolling around the minors and stumbled across this guy, probably while looking at someone else, and said to Beane, “Hey Billy, maybe you could pick up this Patterson dude. I like the way he pitches.” So Beane calls up Towers and says, “What’s the deal with Scott Patterson,” and after getting a typical “Scott Who?”, Beane says, "Tell you want, I’ll pay a couple thou for him and we’ll be even.
or
Beane gets a call from Kevin Towers. “Hi Billy, have I got a pitcher for you. Llisten, we need to dump this guy Patterson because we’ve got somebody we want to bring up to AAA. You want him? We’ll give him to you for a few pennies, and even split the sales tax. Otherwise we’ll DFA him and you’ll have to compete with the Royals for his services.”
richwol1 - August 20, 2009
I bet it's not even that complicated
I bet he just called up the one guy he knows best and said “throw me a live arm so I don’t have to burn out my rookies this season.”
walk off bunt - August 20, 2009
I think Beane thought he was getting Scott Sanderson
Nick - August 21, 2009
here's a player i wouldnt mind getting
under the radar deal- jake fox from cubs. he doesnt really have a everyday spot there unless derek lee is gone anytime soon. if he can play a passable 3b, he could help the A’s
Asfan4ever723 - August 20, 2009
My impression is that he can't play passably in the field,
and that the Cubs love him. He may be a DH in the making, though, in which case the Cubs have a bit of a problem. But he’s not a 3B solution for anyone as I understand it.
Nico - August 20, 2009
Flying Fox of the Yard?
PaulThomas - August 21, 2009
TIGER?
BleedGreen - August 21, 2009
Plus he has a great porno name.
That’s good enough reason right there.
iglew - August 21, 2009
I guess they want to limit innings really, really badly,
and do it with people whose service time is of utterly no concern to them. I wonder if they’re going to shut Gio down, too. If they shut four guys down, that leaves a lot of rotation spots to fill.
jeepers - August 20, 2009
Beane does this from time to time
I wouldn’t make much of it.
richwol1 - August 20, 2009
The Mets just released Livan Hernandez
If we need innings ate, he’d at least be funny to have around. Heck, the Coliseum might even make him look mediocre, instead of awful.
walk off bunt - August 20, 2009
Not a fan of cricket
like my games over in under 4 hours.
Future Ed - August 20, 2009
if for nothing else
than to have a race between him, cust, and everidge.
cuppingmaster - August 20, 2009
Livan doesn't actually give you a lot of innings.
Just a lot of pitches.
Nico - August 20, 2009
You're missing the point, Nico
He’s here for comedic value. The likes of which we haven’t seen since since Tom Candiotti was making 33 starts for Oakland.
walk off bunt - August 20, 2009
hey, at this stage we're paying for entertainment, not wins
I’m all in favor
bobnothing - August 20, 2009
since Livan says he's only 34
this means him and Candiotti are now the same age
cuppingmaster - August 20, 2009
Livan Hernandez and Brett Tomko
Lordy, let’s bring in El Duque and Russ Ortiz.
That’s your Oakland A’s replay for the night.
richwol1 - August 20, 2009
Monte Moore and Don Aase
Thanks Nico for posting that picture of Aase, it brought back some memories.
I remember listening to an A’s game with Monte Moore doing the broadcast. Don
Aase was a new player with the Orioles and Moore apparently hadn’t heard how his
name was pronounced. He paused and then said “I’m not sure how to pronounce this,”
and then went on to spell his last name, afraid of saying “Ass”. It was pretty funny, you
could tell Moore was embarrassed.
SanJoseR - August 20, 2009
Monte Moore
was such an aase.
BleedGreen - August 21, 2009
Amazing post, Nico
I love a good LOL in the morning. Thanks!
Technotofu - August 21, 2009
Now if only Billy can just find a guy named Brett Patterson.
That would be the Holy Grail.
iglew - August 21, 2009
Wow, this has been a great thread for laughs
Since we’re in the sorta f’ing around point of the season, why can’t we boost some attendance by signing Rickey for a coupla series? Sadly enough, he’d probably get on base better than at least half the lineup, and might just jack 3 more to give hime 300. Imagine the hype of Rickey’s farewell series against the Angels. Guaranteed sellouts. Just sayin’ .. if we can have Giambi bobblehead after we let him go, it’s only fitting to have Rickey play again after we retire his number. :)
Rickeyfan - August 22, 2009
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