Athletics Nation

I have that form

APPLICATION   FOR  PERMISSION
TO  DATE  MY  DAUGHTER

Courtesy of The Freeman Institute

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

NAME:____________DATE OF BIRTH:_______
HEIGHT:____  WEIGHT:____   I.Q.____  GPA_____
SOCIAL SECURITY#___________________
DRIVERS LICENSE#___________________
BOY SCOUT RANK:___________________
HOME ADDRESS:____________________
CITY/STATE_______________  ZIP_______
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?     ___ yes?  ___ no?
Number of years parents married:______________
Do you own a van? ____  A truck with oversized tires? ___
A waterbed? ____ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_____ Tatoo?_____
(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? ________________________
_________________________
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
_________________________
_________________________

.In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?  ________________________
________________________
_________________________

. Congregation you attend:_______________
How often do you attend?________________
When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers)_________________
________________________

What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

"If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________
"If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____ _________________________
"A woman's place is in the ________________
"The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___ _________________________
"When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is _____ _________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.

_______________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don't call us, we'll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you - one size fits all.

http://www.freemaninstitute.com/dateapp.htm

You don't have to be that harsh, Blez. The only thing my dad requires is that when they're at my house, they have to have jeans above the butt (no sagging... he's got his electric stapler!!!), no earrings visible and I must be at the door by 10:30. Oh, and no touching in front of him (hugging, kissing, etc.) Not too harsh. ;)

GreenNGoldGirl - March 19, 2005 reply